"The best time to start a blog, is when you don't have time at all"
- ancient proverb
Well, yes. I'm back at it again. I just can't seem to fix on something permanently, though I desperately want to. I want to record more of my life, and since I'm much too lazy for physically and much too bored with writing for no audience, a blog sort-of seemed the best possible solution.
So here we are. I've been good lately. In a really, really good place. I am really happy with my boyfriend. I'm happy with my academic life at the moment - I'm doing well and I'm enjoying it. I'm following a course on Intersectionality and I'm having a lot of fun studying something that is so relevant to today's world (as opposed to studying the various uses of the subjunctive in Latin...). I feel like my life is progressing, that I'm progressing, becoming more of an adult, getting more of a sense of what I want. I am also getting more confident with myself (I go to class without make-up sometimes??)
Of course there are things that aren't great. Despite getting a sense of what I want (which is actually not all that clear; just a vague thought of a) a nice job, doesn't have to be all that exciting, just a nice and steady adult job with a decent salary and b) a nice little home with my boyfriend and my cats and c) who knows from there), I have no clear idea of how I'm actually going to do it. My BA thesis is approaching reeeeally fast, and then after that there seems to be a big big gap in which everything is vague. I always had a sense of "I'll see where studying this gets me too", but the time for that is over. Am I going to do an MA? Why or why not? What do I want to achieve? I have no clue.
Also I'm growing a little more unhappy at my job. If anything causes me anxiety at all these days (GOD BLESS NO MORE ANXIETY), it's my job. It's not even something I can describe. I just know that I've outgrown it, and that I want to work somewhere else. Thing is, and I know I'm actually relatively privileged in this, is that I have a permanent contract which enables me to take time off when that BA thesis is getting more important, and offers me security once I've finished my degree. So it would be too big of a gamble to just throw away a permanent contract for the sake of wanting something else.
So I'm actually happy! I'm loving live right now. Things can be hard, choices can be hard, but still. Life is beautiful!
Until next time discussing mini existential crises! x :)
My name is Vera. I am a twenty-one year old student and catlady.